"If you always do what you always done you always get what you always got." Old Adage

Some people wonder if it is really possible to be “stress free.” I’ve had several people tell me they cannot meditate because they simply have too much stress. They’ve “tried and just can’t” do it.

To be completely honest… I can totally relate.

I think for those who have known me only in recent years this comes as a surprise. Truth is years ago I was extremely “stressed out” and very high strung. As a child growing up in poverty I never knew life with out stress. Honestly, I didn’t know any better. Nor did I realize we were “poor.” Stress is just as much a social experience for the poor as it is a personal one. It's sometimes difficult to realize there is a change to make when everyone is sharing an experience.

Where I come from it was “normal” for everyone around me to have stress. Everyone just showed this differently. To me stress was a normal way of life and seemingly very much out of my control. "You just learn to deal" was a common phrase.

From very early in my life racing thoughts kept me from being able to focus for very long. Not realizing the effects of stress I thought this was simply something I would have to "learn to deal" with. It wasn't until I was into my late 20's that I decided I would do something different. I had heard of people learning to have relief from stress through meditation. I decided to meditate to find relief from stress.

With practice and determination I did just that. Eventually I feel I found peace and inner happiness. Many people ask me: How did you do it? Well, I decided to make a change. I decided I didn't have to be hard on myself if I missed a day. I decided to let all of the weighted thoughts I was holding onto go. I decided I would change my life. I decided that I was important and deserved to have happiness. I decided to love myself enough to let the past go.

There was no magic pill, no high paid doctor, and no big secret. Very simply I put my energy into making a different choice.

Is it really that simple? The short answer is: Yes.

I spent years holding on to thoughts that things were out of my control. I felt sorry for myself and was “depressed” almost continually. One day I decided to simply… not do that anymore. It is amazing what we can accomplish just by first making a choice to do something differently. You are in control of changes in your life. No one else can make them for you.

Now some might think that a person (er, um… me) claiming to have relief from stress is probably a person who has their head in the clouds. I’ll be the first to admit this might be true ;)Some might think this is too simple, that I don't understand what others are going through. Some might also think this so called “stress free person” could only be someone who doesn’t live in the real world. I remember having the very same thoughts myself.

To be stress free must mean no money concerns, worries, or relationship difficulties.

Yet, this is not true. I am no different than you. The difference is how we choose to react to seemingly stressful events and experiences. I choose to have a peaceful experience. You can choose to have a peaceful experience too. It didn't happen overnight but it did happen. I chose to stick with peaceful thoughts. By making this choice a peaceful experience was not far to follow. I now work hard to teach peace to those near me through my peaceful actions. Setting an example of peace is the best way to learn peace.

So the question I’m posing today is: When we live in stressful situations how can we stop the stressors in our lives?

Some questions you might ask yourself are:

Whose stress is it? If it isn’t yours don’t own it.

Are there things I can do to change what I am experiencing?

What are my stress triggers?

How do I react to stressors?

What role am I playing in this stress?

Is there anything different I can do?


Stress can be a convenient diversion to keep from looking within ourselves. We have to ask ourselves what motivation we have to keep stress in our lives. What excuses do we make for our stress? What excuses do we make to keep us from making change? What excuses keep us from inner peace? If the answer to any of the above quesitons involve blame or guilt of any form (yourself or the "other") I encourage you to treat yourself and all others with unconditional Love. Remembering that we can forgive both ourself and the other can bring amazing results in spiritual growth.

Stress can also be a diversion from other things going on in our life as well. What if we decided to work through those things? What then? (Counseling can be a great source for doing this and I must note I am not a counselor) What would happen if we chose to do something different?

The key is Do something and "do something different" might be even better.

“If you always do what you always done you always get what you always got.”

Body Talk

Yesterday I was feeling very sentimental about my body. I was thinking about our long “life” together. I had just finished swimming and was kickin’ back with water bottle in hand (PBA free of course). While quietly sipping my water I was wondering what kind of salad I might eat. I almost chuckled at the irony of drinking water after being in so much water. But drink water I did.

I realized I felt really good in my body. I wanted to hug myself and savor this feeling for a minute. Just then a thought came to mind and I asked my body: “What could I have ever done to have caused you to give out on me?” (For those not in my head during this seemingly insane conversation this was in reference to the 2 year period of time we were fully disabled with Fibromyalgia.) The body responded with some very interesting points.

The body said: “What! You’ve got to be kidding me right? Remember all those years you abused me? Remember the times when I was thirsty and you answered with Dr. Pepper, alcohol, or sugary drinks? Oh! And remember when I ached for rest and you responded with stress? Yeah, that was nice.

I started to interrupt with some form of defense when the body spoke again.

“Oh, no, don’t interrupt because I haven’t even gotten going yet. It’s about time I tell you some hard truths. You ask ME why I gave out on you? If I were a friend and you had treated them this badly they would have left years ago. I mean think about it. You have treated other bodies better than me, envied other bodies more, and wished continually that you could have another bodies traits. When I’m a perfectly good body you know? Perfectly good! I should have left when I had the chance.”

The body began to cry. I guess I didn’t realize the body cared so much. So I decided to listen for awhile.

“What about only having others tell me I look nice, you never said that to me! EVER! You would ask others but never listen to little ole me sitting here glowing my Love for you. You just ignored me.

Or what about all those times I needed fresh air and to stretch and you responded with having me endure hours of smoking cigarettes on the couch flipping channels or better yet… remember the time I ached for affection and you responded with a myriad of partners who didn’t even really care about me at all!

Or how about the times when you couldn’t stand me and decided not to fuel me…at all … for DAYS. Finally you would feed me and you’d force all of it out. You expect me to not hurt over that? It might be a faded memory for you but I remember!

Or what about the thousands of times you’ve said “I’m fat.” Being the good body that I am I try to give you what you want and you would get furious with me and say terrible things to me. And lets not forget those times you put drugs in me… repeatedly. Yeah, that was…uh, neat.”

While the body was talking I realized I had neglected our relationship for years. It wasn’t until the body took on an illness that I began to change. In many ways this was the only way the body could get my attention. I never appreciated my body and I took much for granted. I decided the next obvious step in my healing process was to apologize.

I realized I never told the body I was sorry for treating it so badly, for always expecting it to be there, for assuming it wouldn’t listen to the shadow self (ego) eventually to gang up on me.
I took all of this for granted. It was at that point I interrupted the body’s tirade and said quietly:
“Hey….I Love you”

The body was so stunned by this that it said: “Www…what?

“I Love you”

We both began to cry. It was a good cry. Tears of joy welled in my eyes and I was filled with gratitude. I felt a connection that I had never felt before. I was grateful for the body hanging in there with me until I finally got around to finding myself.

The body was so thankful that I had changed. Together we agreed to work together and stop listening to ego. We formed a better partnership to work together as a team. The body understood that this is only a temporary assignment but I promised to continue to work on making healthy choices. The body agreed it would work as well, as hard, and as long as I needed it.

Together I think we will make a wonderful team.