Body Talk

Yesterday I was feeling very sentimental about my body. I was thinking about our long “life” together. I had just finished swimming and was kickin’ back with water bottle in hand (PBA free of course). While quietly sipping my water I was wondering what kind of salad I might eat. I almost chuckled at the irony of drinking water after being in so much water. But drink water I did.

I realized I felt really good in my body. I wanted to hug myself and savor this feeling for a minute. Just then a thought came to mind and I asked my body: “What could I have ever done to have caused you to give out on me?” (For those not in my head during this seemingly insane conversation this was in reference to the 2 year period of time we were fully disabled with Fibromyalgia.) The body responded with some very interesting points.

The body said: “What! You’ve got to be kidding me right? Remember all those years you abused me? Remember the times when I was thirsty and you answered with Dr. Pepper, alcohol, or sugary drinks? Oh! And remember when I ached for rest and you responded with stress? Yeah, that was nice.

I started to interrupt with some form of defense when the body spoke again.

“Oh, no, don’t interrupt because I haven’t even gotten going yet. It’s about time I tell you some hard truths. You ask ME why I gave out on you? If I were a friend and you had treated them this badly they would have left years ago. I mean think about it. You have treated other bodies better than me, envied other bodies more, and wished continually that you could have another bodies traits. When I’m a perfectly good body you know? Perfectly good! I should have left when I had the chance.”

The body began to cry. I guess I didn’t realize the body cared so much. So I decided to listen for awhile.

“What about only having others tell me I look nice, you never said that to me! EVER! You would ask others but never listen to little ole me sitting here glowing my Love for you. You just ignored me.

Or what about all those times I needed fresh air and to stretch and you responded with having me endure hours of smoking cigarettes on the couch flipping channels or better yet… remember the time I ached for affection and you responded with a myriad of partners who didn’t even really care about me at all!

Or how about the times when you couldn’t stand me and decided not to fuel me…at all … for DAYS. Finally you would feed me and you’d force all of it out. You expect me to not hurt over that? It might be a faded memory for you but I remember!

Or what about the thousands of times you’ve said “I’m fat.” Being the good body that I am I try to give you what you want and you would get furious with me and say terrible things to me. And lets not forget those times you put drugs in me… repeatedly. Yeah, that was…uh, neat.”

While the body was talking I realized I had neglected our relationship for years. It wasn’t until the body took on an illness that I began to change. In many ways this was the only way the body could get my attention. I never appreciated my body and I took much for granted. I decided the next obvious step in my healing process was to apologize.

I realized I never told the body I was sorry for treating it so badly, for always expecting it to be there, for assuming it wouldn’t listen to the shadow self (ego) eventually to gang up on me.
I took all of this for granted. It was at that point I interrupted the body’s tirade and said quietly:
“Hey….I Love you”

The body was so stunned by this that it said: “Www…what?

“I Love you”

We both began to cry. It was a good cry. Tears of joy welled in my eyes and I was filled with gratitude. I felt a connection that I had never felt before. I was grateful for the body hanging in there with me until I finally got around to finding myself.

The body was so thankful that I had changed. Together we agreed to work together and stop listening to ego. We formed a better partnership to work together as a team. The body understood that this is only a temporary assignment but I promised to continue to work on making healthy choices. The body agreed it would work as well, as hard, and as long as I needed it.

Together I think we will make a wonderful team.